Fear
Proper 14A, August 7, 2005
Preached at the 11:15 a.m. Eucharist at the Cathedral of St. Philip
The Rev. William R. Payton, Priest Associate
They cried out because of their fear. And immediately Jesus spoke to them saying: Take hear it is I; have no fear. Matthew 14: 26f.
I wonder this morning if you are aware of the place of fear in your life. The ever present daily tragedies of war, terrorist attacks, kid napping, child abuse, senseless violence and murder in our own neighborhoods, there seems to be no end to the list of things to fear. Certainly we all remember times when we were afraid of the dark as children. Usually our parents tried to talk us out of our fear with time honored clichés passed down through a 100 generations of bumbling faithful practice….things like: Well now, there’s just nothing to be afraid of….the complete utter denial approach. Never mind, its just the shadow on the door….probably just the leaves blowing and hitting the window…..Now really, there’s nothing in this dark room any meaner than you are”….that particular one seemed to change the subject subtly leading one into some kind of engaging self examination. Well, I can’t resist giving myself the opportunity to tell one of my most treasured personal parenting stories, and I particularly like this version of it. It happened one summer vacation night at the beach when our two boys were little. On this particular night, we had a real tropical storm well worth noticing no matter what your age. Lighting, thunder, rain, fierce wind….every thing was there. One of our boys wakened in the middle of the worst series of thunderclaps I think I ever heard. Because Joan’s deafness helps her sleep through these events, I heard the cry and knew it was parental response time. I went into the boy’s bedroom armed with all the stuff in my parental kit bag designed to quiet even this very legitimate cry of fear. I remember going through a brief summary of theological dribble about how God made the rain and all the forces of nature….on and on I went about the goodness of God who made sand and fishes as well as crashing thunder and the beautiful lighting. My finale was the full reassurance of the intimate presence of God in that bedroom at that moment. I think I closed with a sentence prayer thanking God for all I had said and thanking God for our protection in our wonderfully safe house. After a quick hug, I got up to leave the room extremely satisfied, then there was his finale, and I swear it literally happened like this and I am quoting from the scene: He looked up at me and said, Dad, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you stay in here with God and I’ll go in and sleep with Mommy.
And so I want to offer you a few notes on fear and some ways of dealing with fear. Fear is so painfully obvious in the headlines of our newspapers, splattered across the TV screen, and the ever present Internet updates. At the very heart of the Gospel is the very simple admonition to be not afraid, fear not, and have no fear. It was said to Mary and Joseph and hundreds of others before them. The angels said it on that night to the shepherd abiding in the fields. Jesus says this to his frightened little collection of friends over and over…in the midst of another time when they were on a rough sea…on the morning of the resurrection….in the upper room with Thomas and the others. In today’s Gospel, we find the disciples out on the lake. They are rowing like everything against a great wind, fairly well exhausted….its about 4:00 AM and our text says Jesus walked out on the water to meet them. When God or God’s messenger, or God’s Son appears to people fear is an ordinary response. And, Jesus said to them, “It is I, have no fear.”
Fear has a way of binding and limiting us, curtailing our choices and alternatives. Fear hems us in creating false boundaries, getting in the way of our freedom. It chokes us off from life and keeps us from being all that we are meant to be. It causes us to lead lives of quiet desperation, measuring out our lives in coffee spoons as T. S. Elliot said. We fear appearing foolish, speaking out, taking a stand. We fear being wrong, loosing face. We fear loosing period. We fear for our lives and for the well being and safety of all those we love, especially our children. So, we hold back, we hold our tongues; we even wear whatever appropriate masks we can think of so people can’t see our fear. When we encounter the living Christ, the morning of the Resurrection, his first word is “Fear Not.” I believe that it is fear not doubt that is the greatest obstacle of faith. Fear is the opposite of freedom. Take heart; be of good courage, have no fear, the Lord is with you.
In my experience, when we try to fix our fear by mustering some kind of rational control, we only make fear worse. It seems to capture our attention and hold on to us all the more. It is only when we are able to admit our powerlessness over our fear that it ceases to control us. Only when we can admit our powerlessness, our lack of control, can the presence of God make any difference in our lives. The living Jesus waits to take away our fear, but only as we are willing to live into his presence. As long as we try to keep control and attempt to use our own power, we have no need of Jesus and there is literally no way Jesus’ presence can make any difference to us. We can not help the feelings of fear, but we can do something with our feelings of fear when they come. The first step is to acknowledge the fear without judging it or without judging ourselves. Name the fear as clearly as you can. If you can’t name it, describe it, say what it’s like. Sometimes it is helpful to write about it or express it in an art form. The next step is to bring that fear into relationship to God, as you would relate anything else to God. We can all do that in our own way using words, symbols, psalms, poetry, and music, whatever seems to work for you. Be gentle and patient with these steps, they will take whatever time they take. It may help to speak confidentially with a friend, a spouse, a priest, or another whom you trust. Spiritual direction or psychological counseling may also be helpful. I invite you to take these steps in ways that are meaningful to you.
I enjoy images of water especially of boats and water. I like the metaphor of us all being in a boat together, like those in the Gospel on that early morning…together on our journey into Christ. Using this image, I wonder how it is from where you sit in the boat. I wonder what fears you have. I wonder if some of your fears and mine are the same and like those in the boat early that morning. I wonder what fears you have been able to claim, as you own. I wonder what fears you would like to let go of and which fears you are saving especially for yourself because some day you think you’ll be able to conquer them. Maybe you’ll find a book or maybe time will make the fear go away. Surely some of us are able to hide our fear and pretend it just isn’t real. Peter’s fear was painfully real and obvious that early morning. Jesus confronts his lack of faith…I think its so good to be in the company of those in the boat, struggling, asking questions, discovering misunderstanding, patiently doubting, yes and even owning up to fear and starting all over again. Peter will fear again and again and again. But just as surely as he fears, he knows whose name to call and whose companionship he can trust. Even the wonderful variety of faith we are given does not banish our fear. No amount of moralizing or pleading will make it go. Faith teaches us whose name to call and who waits to calm us. Our faith, however tentative, can tell us who is powerful over the depth of our fears. Our Gospel is so simple. Its simplicity brings courage, calm, power, strength; its simplicity is the effect of the life giving presence of Jesus. Wherever we are in the boat…whatever our perspective on the journey…whatever is going on with our fear. Jesus says to each of us: “Take heart, it is I have no fear.”
Comments? Contact Bill Payton at: BPayton@stphilipscathedral.org