Sermon at The Cathedral of St. Philip

Feed me again — Make me New

The Reverend Canon Elizabeth Knowlton
Cathedral of St. Philip , 8:45 & 11:15
I Kings 19: 4-8
August 13, 2006

“Batter my heart, three person'd God; for, you as yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend; That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow mee,'and bend Your force, to breake, blowe, burn and make me new.” (John Donne, Holy Sonnets)”

These lines by John Donne have long symbolized the type of relationship I want to have with God. They are intimate. They acknowledge the real struggle that can emerge as we seek God’s transformation. There is also a beautiful tenacity on God’s part. God is knocking, breathing, shining, and seeking us.

I also love these lines, because they seem to acknowledge on a deep level that our transformation is not a one time event. To become God’s new creation is a process. It takes time, to work our hardened hearts into a malleable responsive organ that can be fully open to God.

They also convince me that our desire for instant gratification is not unique to this particular point in time. It is rather the human condition. We long for God. We long to be fully God’s people. And yet as we move along the journey, we inevitably find our limits. Some are self-imposed. Others are a natural response to situations we face every night during the evening news or at the local grocery store.

However, the longer I seek a deepening relationship with God, the more I have come to love the limits. Not because they are easy. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I rail against them faster than anti-lock brakes. No, I love the limits because they often pull me up short and in the spiritual whiplash that ensues, garner my full attention.

This seems particularly true during the best times in our life. At the pinnacle of success we can suffer from amnesia about whose we really are. We might be genuinely thankful, but we rarely see it as a time to recharge our spiritual batteries. We can even drift into a compulsive sense that the only way to maintain our success is to keep going at all cost. To drive ourselves beyond human limits. We rarely stop for rest or rejuvenation.

As we’re cranking along at top speed, multi-tasking at peak efficiency, running on adrenaline, we might not take the time to check-in on our spiritual reserves. We feel so good in the moment, it might never occur to us that we need to turn to God and ask to be fed. If the situation suddenly changes, we can find ourselves without reserves, and plunge suddenly to despair.

This is why I love our story from first Kings this morning. We meet the dynamic, successful, Hollywood-worthy, Prophet Elijah. Immediately preceding our reading from today, he has had a career moment worthy of any Stephen Spielberg movie. He has taken on the prophets that follow Baal and challenged them to a head to head competition.

Elijah says, “Enough of this Baal versus God nonsense, let’s take it to the street. Meet me on Mt. Carmel and we’ll see whose God can light the fire for a proper sacrifice.” And Yahweh does not disappoint his faithful prophet. The false prophets are killed and King Ahab is back on the road to Jezreel.

Things are looking up, until Queen Jezebel hears the news. She is not too happy about Yahweh’s victory, being partial to the Baal prophets. And she is a woman of action. So she makes her intentions known and says, “May God strike me dead if I don’t kill you like you killed my prophets by this same time tomorrow.” And Elijah knows enough to know that she’s not kidding.

Now Elijah is certainly not one who seems to mind mincing words or who would be prone to easy intimidation. But he’s also not a fool. Upon hearing the mood of Jezebel, he is terrified and flees for his life. He goes south, drops off his servant, and heads into the wilderness.

On the heels of his great victory at Mount Carmel , he has plunged into despair. He has hit his limit. And he has recognized his own humanity. Prophet or not. Great display of Yahweh’s power or not.....he “is no better than his ancestors.” All he can think is that he wants to give up and die.

But this is a blessed limit. To find himself no better than his ancestors, human like the rest of is actually a blessed relief. He does not need to view himself only as a mighty prophet, servant of God. He can see his frailties writ large, and in that he becomes vulnerable. And in that vulnerability, he can be fed.

“Suddenly an angel touched him and said to him, ‘Get up and eat.’” At the moment when all hope seems lost, Elijah is finally out of the way. Then the nourishment is available. The angels enter in. The friend reaches out to us, when we didn’t think they knew our need. The unexpected grace of a check arrives in the mail, when we didn’t know how that unexpected bill would be covered. We finally hear our need and are able to “get up and eat.”

Those are holy moments, and we know we stand among the angels. But even in that first moment of gratitude, there is also an invitation to be a bit cautious. Like the pinnacle of success, the pit of despair can leave us disoriented and unaware of our real needs. As unaware of my hunger as I am in my moments of success, I can be almost too aware of them in times of despair.

Frankly when I get to the point where I am under the broom tree, or its modern equivalent, I know I need the first meal. I’m starving at that point. I’m grateful for whatever is there to nourish me.

The danger is the first meal tastes so good.

I’m full for the first time in a while, so I might not think of the long-term. I’m just happy to not be hungry. Those terrible feelings are at bay and banished for the moment. As I am drifting back off to a contented sleep, I might start to wonder if they were really there in the first place. Maybe it hadn’t really been that bad.

But if we want to go the full length of God’s journey for each of us, we require heartier foodstuffs than the one-time fix. For Elijah to go the full forty days journey will require more than he can anticipate. The long journey requires a much deeper sustenance. So the angel comes a second time. This time the angel says “Get up and eat, otherwise the journey will be too much for you.”

It is often that second meal that we need more than the first. The meal when we are not in the grips of starvation or numbed out unawareness that we even need food. The meal that is part of our regular prayer life, participation in the sacraments, or the ongoing relationships with our family and friends. The gentle reminder that this journey is a process and needs regular nourishment. In that second meal, we find the strength for the long journey. The journey that leads us all the way to Mount Horeb . The journey that allows us to finally hear God in the sheer silence. It requires our vulnerability and our trust. But if we take the risk, and allow God to feed us, we will have the new hearts God intends for us.

Amen

Comments? Contact Beth Knowlton at: BKnowlton@stphilipscathedral.org

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